How do you get a lion’s head through customs?

A bottle of Timotei gets confiscated at Speke, but no such constraints at Dakar International judging by the Senegal crowd at the World Cup.

There’s definitely African arl arses in there going: ‘Just sit down and watch the match will you, knobheads.’

It’s been an eminently entertaining competition so far, for the football and also because of the pretzel logic it has forced upon all the stance guys. 

In fact it’s situations like this always bring to mind that famous old conundrum: ‘If a tree falls down in the woods, does anyone give a shit about its take on a subject unless it splashes it all over social media?’

Guardian journalists and Gary Neville saying how they will be going to the event – all expenses paid – but only so they can shine a light on the injustices being perpetrated out there, was a particular highlight.

Why don’t they just say, ‘It’s shite lad, I’ll be gasping for a bevvy for a start. But I didn’t choose for it to be played there, and I’ve got a put a loaf on the table, haven’t I?’

But everyone’s doing the usual moral gymnastics so that, heaven forbid, no one on Twitter can accuse them of being that most despicable of modern creatures, a kiddy fiddler.

Hang on, no, a hypocrite.

As for them armbands, Christ. Imagine if Rosa Parks had moved down the bus if she’d been threatened with a yellow card. No one likes to agree with the Dentalist Mentalist from across the park, but he had a point when he pulled journalists up on why footballers should be pressured into protesting, or even sharing their opinions, on these matters.

If you are going to make a gesture though, fucking hell, you would expect to see it through in the face of sanctions no more severe than a booking. It’s not like anyone was asking Harry Kane to set himself on fire in the centre circle.

There’s just a massive whiff of the poppy about the whole thing. 

Despite all the doom-mongering about the conditions – players dying on the pitch and water breaks every seven minutes – the stadiums have been that cool that the games have been going on for well longer than normal. And you have to hand it to Nepali slave labour – well you don’t, that’s the point – they build a boss ground.

That’s it really, apart from watching loads of players Everton were linked with recently look great, and one that we actually did sign continue to pass the ball straight back to the centre-half like a poor man’s Li Tie.

And it looks like we were going to do a match report for the Fulham game but never bothered, as the draft just says: Marco Silva looks like both Dastardly and Muttley.

Like the paunchy heart-throb singing a power ballad on Turkish MTv. Moodily driving a classic American car and never actually in the same black and white scene as the girl 15 years his junior dancing under a rain machine.

Quite.