In order to fit in the rest of the FakeNews media we should really run a whole transfer story arc here where Everton are linked to some player who in few a days apparently expresses a real interest in working for Carlo Ancelotti but then by the end of the week ends up as a ‘transfer blow’ with Arsenal and Juventus ‘closely monitoring the situation’.
Miners voting Tory, Royal nonces claiming they are so nails that they can’t sweat even if they wanted to, Liverpool pissing the league and Everton manager Duncan Ferguson digging out a striker for not putting in enough effort.
These are some strange days we are living through, make no mistake.
So here we go again.
This time without the broad brush strokes of Ronald Koeman or the dull monochrome of Sam Allardyce – replacing both with Marco Silva’s much-vaunted ‘attention to detail’.
Has he gone?
Remember when you ended up goosing sailors for crack money?
‘Everton are like…’ loads of things. For the sake of argument this time out though, the Blues are like the Mam and Dad in the story, The Monkey’s Paw.
It’s all too weird, seeing Sam Allardyce’s big head sitting on top of a load of Everton training gear.
What’s that in the sky? Is it a beam of light projecting a half-eaten pie onto the underside of those ominous clouds?
It’s off it’s head now, all this.
And you may ask yourself: ‘My god, what have I done?’
This latest instalment started after the Sunderland game but we just never got round to publishing it. Thursday/Sunday effects everyone you know, not jut the players.
Think about the bloggers.
Turn it in Everton.
Have you ever eaten at a Harvester before?
Can’t wait for this Sevilla game now, can you?
Right then, the season’s kicking off beaucoup early as the remodelled Super Blues go up against a crack Slovakian fitness class in the Europa League’s ‘round of 1,036’.
Right then, not much to report really.
Hey hey, my my. We can’t keep a clean sheet if we try.
It’s been written in instalments this, so the Stoke bit was completed before we went to St. James’ Park. Hopefully the tone is a bit sunnier at the end then, because after the defeat to Stoke it all started to feel a bit Ron Burgundy: ‘Well that escalated quickly’.
Oh Everton, your season has got one wheel in the ditch and one wheel on the track.
Oh you tricky Blues, oh you tricky Blues, you’re driving your mamas and papas insane.
What’s occurring, Dave? What? Not that great, what with the economy and that bug that’s been ‘going around’? Never mind squire, you’ve always got Everton.
Yeah, about that.