Carlo Ancelotti’s gamble that Newcastle are ‘just shite’, and so any line-up should really beat them, backfired all too predictably at the Massive Mugs And Them Huge Carrier Bags That All The Homeless Swear By Arena.Continue reading “Have You Been Good To Yourself?”
Something something something about it being fitting that it was Virgil van Dyke’s former club something something something.Continue reading “Like a Mirror Loves a Hammer”
A talismanic figure injured and questions over who can possibly replace him.Continue reading “Combustion”
Current COVID status: you’re on your fucking own – the alehouse may or may not be open.
Let’s get it out there now. Do we want to win any trophies if they have asterisks by them?
Yes, this whole thing has been written to use that title, because Everton have been linked with a goalie, Gianluigi Donnarumma.
Is he hot stuff? Frig off.
‘I like Abdoulaye Doucoure as well, but not as much as you Allan.’
In order to fit in the rest of the FakeNews media we should really run a whole transfer story arc here where Everton are linked to some player who in few a days apparently expresses a real interest in working for Carlo Ancelotti but then by the end of the week ends up as a ‘transfer blow’ with Arsenal and Juventus ‘closely monitoring the situation’.
Miners voting Tory, Royal nonces claiming they are so nails that they can’t sweat even if they wanted to, Liverpool pissing the league and Everton manager Duncan Ferguson digging out a striker for not putting in enough effort.
These are some strange days we are living through, make no mistake.
So here we go again.
This time without the broad brush strokes of Ronald Koeman or the dull monochrome of Sam Allardyce – replacing both with Marco Silva’s much-vaunted ‘attention to detail’.
Has he gone?
Remember when you ended up goosing sailors for crack money?
‘Everton are like…’ loads of things. For the sake of argument this time out though, the Blues are like the Mam and Dad in the story, The Monkey’s Paw.
It’s all too weird, seeing Sam Allardyce’s big head sitting on top of a load of Everton training gear.
What’s that in the sky? Is it a beam of light projecting a half-eaten pie onto the underside of those ominous clouds?
It’s off it’s head now, all this.
And you may ask yourself: ‘My god, what have I done?’
This latest instalment started after the Sunderland game but we just never got round to publishing it. Thursday/Sunday effects everyone you know, not jut the players.
Think about the bloggers.
Turn it in Everton.
Have you ever eaten at a Harvester before?
Can’t wait for this Sevilla game now, can you?
Hey hey, my my. We can’t keep a clean sheet if we try.
It’s been written in instalments this, so the Stoke bit was completed before we went to St. James’ Park. Hopefully the tone is a bit sunnier at the end then, because after the defeat to Stoke it all started to feel a bit Ron Burgundy: ‘Well that escalated quickly’.
Oh Everton, your season has got one wheel in the ditch and one wheel on the track.
Oh you tricky Blues, oh you tricky Blues, you’re driving your mamas and papas insane.
What’s occurring, Dave? What? Not that great, what with the economy and that bug that’s been ‘going around’? Never mind squire, you’ve always got Everton.
Yeah, about that.