Carlo Ancelotti’s gamble that Newcastle are ‘just shite’, and so any line-up should really beat them, backfired all too predictably at the Massive Mugs And Them Huge Carrier Bags That All The Homeless Swear By Arena.
Continue reading “Have You Been Good To Yourself?”No Lie
Like a Mirror Loves a Hammer
Something something something about it being fitting that it was Virgil van Dyke’s former club something something something.
Continue reading “Like a Mirror Loves a Hammer”Combustion
A talismanic figure injured and questions over who can possibly replace him.
Continue reading “Combustion”The Rich (And the Poor)
Current COVID status: you’re on your fucking own – the alehouse may or may not be open.
King of the Holloway Road
Let’s get it out there now. Do we want to win any trophies if they have asterisks by them?
Fikayo
I Feel Glove
Yes, this whole thing has been written to use that title, because Everton have been linked with a goalie, Gianluigi Donnarumma.
Is he hot stuff? Frig off.
So Long Without You
‘I like Abdoulaye Doucoure as well, but not as much as you Allan.’
Life During Wartime
In order to fit in the rest of the FakeNews media we should really run a whole transfer story arc here where Everton are linked to some player who in few a days apparently expresses a real interest in working for Carlo Ancelotti but then by the end of the week ends up as a ‘transfer blow’ with Arsenal and Juventus ‘closely monitoring the situation’.
Tinseltown Dripping in Blood
Miners voting Tory, Royal nonces claiming they are so nails that they can’t sweat even if they wanted to, Liverpool pissing the league and Everton manager Duncan Ferguson digging out a striker for not putting in enough effort.
These are some strange days we are living through, make no mistake.
Like Sugar
G’night Richie.
Sunshine’s Better
So here we go again.
This time without the broad brush strokes of Ronald Koeman or the dull monochrome of Sam Allardyce – replacing both with Marco Silva’s much-vaunted ‘attention to detail’.
Curse of the Contemporary
Has he gone?
Farewell Transmission
Remember when you ended up goosing sailors for crack money?
Carry That Weight
‘Everton are like…’ loads of things. For the sake of argument this time out though, the Blues are like the Mam and Dad in the story, The Monkey’s Paw.
Tryouts For The Human Race
It’s all too weird, seeing Sam Allardyce’s big head sitting on top of a load of Everton training gear.
The Spoils
What’s that in the sky? Is it a beam of light projecting a half-eaten pie onto the underside of those ominous clouds?
Crystal Palace 2 Everton 2
It’s off it’s head now, all this.
Shark Smile
And you may ask yourself: ‘My god, what have I done?’
Everton I Love You, But You’re Bringing Me Down
This latest instalment started after the Sunderland game but we just never got round to publishing it. Thursday/Sunday effects everyone you know, not jut the players.
Think about the bloggers.
Continue reading “Everton I Love You, But You’re Bringing Me Down”
Nothing, Not Nearly
Turn it in Everton.
Let’s Start To Dance Again
Have you ever eaten at a Harvester before?
Sweep Me Off My Feet
Can’t wait for this Sevilla game now, can you?
Everton 2 Leicester City 3
Hey hey, my my. We can’t keep a clean sheet if we try.
Stoke City and Newcastle United and That
It’s been written in instalments this, so the Stoke bit was completed before we went to St. James’ Park. Hopefully the tone is a bit sunnier at the end then, because after the defeat to Stoke it all started to feel a bit Ron Burgundy: ‘Well that escalated quickly’.
Southampton and Shawl Collars And That
Oh Everton, your season has got one wheel in the ditch and one wheel on the track.
Krasnodar, QPR, Young Boys and That
Oh you tricky Blues, oh you tricky Blues, you’re driving your mamas and papas insane.
Spurs, Hull and Manchester City and That
What’s occurring, Dave? What? Not that great, what with the economy and that bug that’s been ‘going around’? Never mind squire, you’ve always got Everton.
Yeah, about that.
