We’ve played this game before. Not just the Toffees versus the Villans – the most played game in the top flight – but the one where Everton start slow, go behind and then just collapse completely.

Nothing more certain than death, taxes, and the Blues rolling over in the face of a half-decent side playing at home with a bit of a point to prove.

Two hours into the new season we were 2-0 down and playing so abjectly that thoughts turned to simply preserving that score, as goal difference could be crucial in the final Premier League reckoning. 

It was clear there was no prospect whatsoever of a comeback, especially after Dominic Calvert-Lewin collided with Emiliano Martinez. The returning centre-forward tried to play on but his eye started to swell grotesquely and there was no way he could continue.

No one would be happy seeing their lad getting hurt like that, and you would no doubt be frustrated to then hear someone giving him shit. In fact you would be absolutely fuming. However, you still suspect that this morning Calvert-Lewin’s arl fella regretted going full ‘Paul Konchesky’s Ma’ and pressing send on that ‘Facey’ post. Or at least he must wish he had used a different tone. Because how much sympathy did he expect to elicit with an opening line of ‘The life of a Premier League football dad’?

Again, anyone would back you for being annoyed at your lad being insulted, but overall, you know, ‘Premier League football dad’ doesn’t look like the worst thing in the world.

It all just feeds into the negative narrative around the club at the moment, with the mood in the press seemingly coalescing around: ‘We’ll be glad to see the back of these horrible cunts from the Premier League when they get their points deduction.’

Not that we will need one to go down judging by that on Sunday. How does a team with three destroyers in midfield allow the opposition to walk through them with complete impunity like that?

We said the other week that part from the obvious lack of cover up front, centre-half is a concern – and it still is – but then fucking hell what about that midfield? It creates nothing and they barely put a tackle in. And to add injury to insult, Alex Iwobi then pulled up with a hamstring strain and had to come off. 

As if we didn’t already know it, our home form against the poorer teams will decide if we stay up or not this season. Calvert-Lewin will be crucial there, and hopefully the returning Dwight McNeill, and then the introduction of Jack Harrison, Arnaut Danjuma and whoever else they get hold of before the transfer window shuts, be that Che Adams, Wilfried Gnonto or Ashley Ward.

Straws. Clutching. Whatever.

All eyes on Goodison Park on Saturday then. 

For a ‘must win’ game. 

In August.