Well, it’s more of a very late Brentford match report, but no one would read that on a Tuesday.

You have to think of the algorithm these days, and standing out on Newsnow among all the weird articles Goodison News seem to churn out using Chatshite GPT. They are clearly not Evertonians so the gloves are off in terms of slagging off their risible ‘content’. 

It’s amazing what a win does for the ‘mood around the camp’ though. When Dominic Calvert-Lewin slotted the third on Saturday, no one was stroking their chin and speculating on the amortisation of Josh Wander and his amusingly-named seafood restaurant. 

Obviously that last sentence is meaningless, but that seems par for the course now when it comes to the Toffees’ financial circumstances. Throw in a headline squeezed from a hugely vague quote from ‘football finance expert’ Kieran Maguire; something along the lines of ‘this could cause problems’, or ‘could cast doubts on 777’s commitment’ and hey presto, bait those clicks baby.

Anyway, back to Brentford, where Sean Dyche was heard to shout ‘stick that up your Moneyball’ at their weird Babadook-looking manager, as the Blues bounced back from the utter no-show against Arsenal in veritable fine style.

The Bees, especially without Ivan Toney and, erm, Neal Maupay – who watched on wearing a sweatshirt that made him look like the kid at the end of Big when he changes back from being Tom Hanks – posed nothing like the threat of the Gunners going forward, and that allowed Everton to press far more aggressively in their half and take the game to the home side from the outset.

At times you want them to be a little bit more inventive, and not live up to this reductive ‘Dycheball’ narrative, but on only six minutes that straightforward approach played dividends when James Garner stood a ball up to the edge of the box, the superb James Tarkowski won the header down, finding the unmarked Abdoulaye Doucoure, and the marauding Malian smashed the sweetest of half-volleys across the keeper and into the roof of the net.

He’s a peculiar figure, Doucoure, a sort of poor man’s Tim Cahill, in the way that people ask ‘Yeah, what does he do apart from run round and score goals?’ He can be hugely frustrating, with his abusive first touch and brutal passing, but on the other hand he has those huge reserves of energy and that willingness to overtake his teammates in his efforts to get in the box and make things happen.

In a team of misfits he definitely offers something unique, and his contributions to the best and most important Everton performances of the last six months or so cannot be overestimated.

He almost scored a virtual replica of the first goal midway through the half too, to double the lead, but saw this shot hit the crossbar before the home side frustratingly broke upfield and levelled.

At that point it all felt like it was going to go peak Everton.

But to the credit of the players, this time they never folded like a pack of deckchairs, and won the game with two goals in four minutes midway through the second half. The first decent corner of the season, fired in by Dwight McNeil, was headed home from close range by Tarkowski. 

Then, on 71 minutes, the deal was sealed as James Garner stole possession inside the Brentford half, ignored the obvious pass to Doucoure and instead picked out substitute Calvert-Lewin with a clever angled pass. The immaculately eye-browed centre-forward took one assured touch into space and slotted confidently through the keeper’s legs. 

Goodnight Vienna.

Next up is Villa on Wednesday night in the Carabao Cup, and it feels like something of an inconvenience at this point, truth be told. We are notorious for under-prioritising this competition and fielding teams that are more or less sent out to lose. That’s far from ideal against a side who absolutely fucked us up the other week when three priceless Premier League points were at stake. This then feels like it has the potential to take away some of the momentum that would have been great to have going into a home game against Luton Town.

However, Dyche said after Brentford that he talked to the players about rewriting the story following the Arsenal game, so perhaps they will field a strong team at Villa Park, get a positive result and go into the weekend feeling positively unstoppable.

As a wise man once said: ‘Embrace the highs. Don’t get too low about the lows. And never trust a man in a tank top.’