Message to Josh Wander. 

Stop ringing my Nan.

Have you read the email? I have to confess, I haven’t. Regardless of the content though, just how weird did it look? Someone who doesn’t own the club being allowed to send an email to the supporters? How desperate must Farhad Moshiri be to get his dough back if he’s letting that sort of caper go on?

Absolutely crackers.

However, on the field, the Toffees finally lived up to their Extra Ginger statistics and put that shiny little leather bastard in the back of the onion bag. Three times, no less!

The ‘vibe’ seems to be that a fair proportion of fans are not particularly enamoured with Sean Dyche, and granted, a run of shocking results at home certainly doesn’t help his cause. However, if you try and look at the bigger picture, of what he inherited, the actions he’s taken and the direction they slowly seem to be moving in, what was anyone realistically expecting from Frank Lampard’s successor?

The players look like they believe in him, probably because he doesn’t have them trying to do things they are incapable of, and as a result they are running and working hard. Yeah, those things that fans always say are ‘all they want to see’ when they are absent. 

Dyche also seems to work well with Kevin Thelwell. They’re gradually reshaping the squad despite losing big players and having limited funds to work with. It’s far from perfect – the fullbacks are a worry and the central midfield can still look disjointed – but there’s a bit of pace, loads of height, and a smattering of creativity in the wide areas. A work in progress, clearly, but for once we need to give someone time to actually do that work.

There will be more shite results – probably at Anfield in a couple of weeks, for starters – but maybe a degree of patience wouldn’t go amiss. 

The visitors were a prime example of a side that have dropped an almighty gonad in getting rid of an unglamorous manager in Gary O’Neil and replacing him with some bemused fella who looks like he’s come to pick you up at the airport. 

Half the goals scored in the Premier League at the weekend seemed to come from players going full John-Stones-when-his-head-fell-off-at-Everton, and gobshiteing about at the back and making stupid decisions. James Garner was the beneficiary of one such blunder, on only eight minutes. Picking up a slack pass across the back, he immediately drove at the heart of the Cherries defence. With options left and right, and the keeper slightly unsighted, the whitest man in football calmly placed a low shot into the Park End net.

In the words of Busta Rhymes: Woo Hah!

Even better was to come before the half was out. The impressive Jack Harrison – Mark Ward with Jimmy Carr’s hair – sent a punch out from the Bournemouth keeper straight back from whence it came, skimming the underside of the bar and sending the home fans into veritable raptures. 

Raptures, I tell you.

Harrison was involved in the third too, on the hour, when his header from Dwight McNeil’s chip to the far post was blocked on the line. Abdoulaye Doucoure reacted first and smashed the loose ball like he’d come home and caught it putting grass clippings in his green bin.

No panic. No soft goal conceded to get you rusting your armour. Just a straightforward home walkover in the sunshine. 

Which was nice.