1. We are biased because we are Evertonians, so you have to do your best to look at these things objectively. 

2. The Premier League is at best run by incompetent twats. At worst, it’s a corrupt cartel whose overarching aim is to maximise the domestic and international broadcast revenue which on the whole is best served by having the most popular sides winning. The rest of the league represent ‘opposition’ and background colour. Three or four – let’s face it, two – Harlem Globetrotters and the rest are just the Washington Generals.

3. Even the name ‘Profitability and Sustainability’ is a sick joke. Everton were relatively well-funded, despite the recent challenges, and are in the process of building an iconic stadium that will be an asset to the club, the city and to English football. The existential crisis they now face is because of an arbitrary points deduction on the back of the breach of an arbitrary interpretation of some arbitrary rules, that threatens to relegate them and lose the broadcast earnings on which they, like all clubs, depend. 

The Premier League should by all means try to protect clubs from being bought with the sort of risky debt that could threaten their existence – there’s no problem with them being dubious about Josh Monorail and Throw of The Dice Partners planned takeover, but this latest unprecedented sanction does exactly the opposite of what the rule’s name suggests it’s there for.

4. Some articles on this subject have appeared on Newsnow from Newcastle fanzine, The Mag. Presumably that’s short for maggot. 

Fucking hell they have more to say than Simon Jordan. ’Scouse Mackems’ makes them the North East’s equivalent of Liverpool. Now we don’t listen to much that our red brethren say, but even the briefest time among them will make you aware that they have apparently won a lot of trophies. Much unlike Newcastle United.

Pipe the fuck down, Spender.

5. What was the point of selling Richarlison to comply with rules that we were going to be found guilty of breaching anyway? And that’s before you get into how that deal went through and the amount of leverage Tottenham were given to force the price down. We might as well have kept the titty-lipped Brazilian and added a couple more world superstars as well – been hung for a sheep as a lamb.

We were still right to sell Antony Gordon though, the shit-haired, swallow-diving shithouse.

6. Beware fans of other clubs showing ‘sympathy’. They have arses that are going a crown to a tanner, worried about what will be uncovered if the eye of Sauron fixes upon their club at some point. 

Or they are Kopites who are desperate to see City get bladdered and have a load of trophies handed to them by default. It’s just lucky you don’t get points deducted for blatantly tapping up other club’s players or hacking into their computers.

7. The Premier League is a meaningless construct. Six of the biggest clubs clearly couldn’t give a shiny shite about it for a start- they were only too willing to turn their back on it and go and play in some imaginary Frankenstein Mastercard Heineken League. Everton should treat it with similar contempt, build their stadium and fuck it off. Ask the Championship for entry and refuse to come up even if they win it.

Or like when of Eddie Hearn’s drug cheats can’t get a British license, go abroad and play there. The Dutch league would be good, or France. Go and have iron girder in that square in Lille every season.

8. People are being blasé about our chances of staying up even with the point deduction. It’s great that Sean Dyche and his team inspire so much confidence among the fanbase, but fucking hell.

9. Hopefully the energy that this generates means that this becomes a pivotal moment for the good of the club. It’s been a weird, fractured institution for too long. Like the fake alien invasion at the end of the Watchmen, this deduction needs to be something that unifies the support and the club against a common enemy. Remind us what Everton really represents to us.

10. Shitting in an envelope is a lot trickier than you would think. With hindsight I would suggest writing the Premier League’s address on it at the beginning.