Happy now?

Two goals from new signings and a stroll in the Lancashire sunshine for Sean Dyche’s tantalising Toffees. 

Dyche and Kevin Thelwell have a lot to manage at the moment, and sometimes they must think it would be easier to just attack a mosque.

That’s what the North Faceless and the Montirex Militiamen seem to think is the cure all for any complex situation, anyway.

‘Struggling with Fermat’s Last Theorem here, Billy.’

‘Do you know what. Whenever I’m stuck with my algebra lad, I like to pause, take a minute, then throw a brick at a shop.’

Bit of satire there. 

4.3 million children live in poverty in this country. If you are so arsed about ‘the kids’, mobilise your ‘alliance’ and do something to help them you tattooed woolyback virgins.

Anyway, Jesper Lindstrom looked absolutely hopeless out wide. He’s not quick and unless he gets on the Dianabol he’s just going to get shoved off the ball too easily. When he drifted inside he  looked clever, and to be honest it seemed like it would make more sense to swap him with Jack Harrison, operating in the ‘Doucoure role’. I.e. trying to pick up Dominic Calvert-Lewin knock-downs.

The dainty Dane did score a cracker of a  free kick for the third goal though. Unless it was the second. The This Is Not Football analyst has the summer off – this stuff will be chock full of accurate ‘data’ once the season starts.

Back to Lindstrom, having a right-footed dead ball ‘specialist’ will at least give us some options other than ‘chip it to the far post, Dwight.’

And going even further back, to the subject of civil insurrection, Jake O’Brien looks a bit like the mask from V for Vendetta. The imposing Irishman came on in the second half and scored from a Calvert-Lewin flick, unceremoniously hammering the ball from the edge of the box in exactly the manner you would expect him to.

That was either the second goal or the third. As I said, he’s away for a few weeks, so just leave it will you for fuck’s sake. Get off my case, Fact Boy.