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‘No mate, I’m Pliers. That’s Chaka Demus over there at the buffet.’

How do you get a lion’s head through customs?

He only writes when they’re winning. Too frigging right. Who can be arsed talking about us when we look shite such as at St. James Park the other night when a goal from Danny De Vito in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest was enough to condemn the Toffees to their third defeat in a…

I just can’t believe that Paddington is dead.