Atsu Picks You

After no updates all summer there’s a new This Is Not Football laptop and a boring train ride every morning, so there’s every chance there could be regular drivel on here for a while.

There’s no guarantee that it will all be about Everton though, so you have been warned.

For now though, there is a little bit, with the news that Christian Atsu’s loan move looks in doubt. It’s hard to work out exactly who is meant to be to blame. There is talk of a January recall clause that has annoyed the player and his folk, but some sources appear to be saying Everton are the ones insisting on it, which makes it sound more like a ‘send back because he’s last clause’.

Actually, it might be dead simple, but having only skim-read the stories we can’t work it out. A lack of guaranteed playing time is said to be a concern as well – again though, is that on the part of Chelsea or Atsu himself?

If he’s good enough he will play – if he doesn’t fancy himself against Aiden McGeady or the considerably more mature Steven Pienaar then maybe Everton really isn’t the place for him. The shithouse.

Obviously we take that last bit back if he signs.

In other news, there is a big mental Lenin-style picture of Roberto Martinez being lashed up on the end of the Main Stand. There is only ever one rule of thumb with matters like this: imagine if it was over the road and a huge, sinister picture of wartime gumshoe Brendan Rodgers peering out across the city.

‘Look, his eyes seem to follow you everywhere.’

‘I think that’s his lad.’

Anyway, it’s weird and the club need to be careful that they don’t kick the arse out of the cult of personality with Martinez. Less is more sometimes. Well, it isn’t, it’s always less, by definition really, but less can be better.

Finally, all-round good egg Steven Naismith has bought a load of tickets for the match and asked the Job Centre to distribute them to the city’s unemployed. An absolutely lovely, selfless gesture, but it’s an indication of just what a fucking bad-minded culture we live in that the statement that was made explaining why he has done this had to contain the bit about the tickets going to ‘people who are really looking for work and are unemployed through no fault of their own’. Because they just knew that if they didn’t qualify it there would be all sorts moaning about ‘Why should they get a fucking freebie when I’m up at 6.30 every morning in all weathers? No one ever gave me a handout and even if he offered me one I wouldn’t take it anyway because the thing about me is I’ve got too much pride, it’s just the way I am, not like all these lazy scroungers. I bet most of these tickets end up going to immigrants anyway. The Scottish cunt.’

Like we said, it’s a boring train journey.

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5 thoughts on “Atsu Picks You

  1. Where’s the homeless briefs? I see he’s gone all upmarket now with his new jobless but massive warm bed owning freeloading bastard pals. And his hair is woeful.

  2. What train soft lad, I dont want my daily commute being spoiled by a load if similes, metaphors and witty writing, I read the metro……..

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