It’s good to see David Moyes back on telly, talking about how he’s ready to get back into management.
If BBC3 aren’t making a fly-on-the-wall show about him at the moment though they are missing a massive opportunity.
What Davie Did Next would be simply phenomenal. There’s definitely a dismantled Corby trouser press in there somewhere and an uncomfortable scene in a leisure club car park where the lease company come to take Manchester United’s Merc back.
‘Just give me a minute, I need to make a call.’
A bit of shaky camerawork, implying some jostling.
‘Tim, Tim, I know I said warts and all but I need a bit of privacy and I just need to speak to Ed to sort this out. Can you just give me a minute.’
A long, slightly skewed zoom across the car park shows Moyes gesticulating angrily and pacing up and down the David Lloyd reception before eventually switching off his phone and rubbing his eyes resignedly.
‘Right then, ok. I’ve cleared that up. A bit of an admin error at United’s end, so the car will have to go back for now. Tim, is there room for me in the van if you move some of that gear?’
Moyes then reaches into the pocket of his slacks and the sheepish-looking lease company rep holds his hand out only for the former Celtic and Shrewsbury centre-half to launch the bunch of keys long and high into a row of trees. He then climbs stiffly into the back of the van, straightens himself up and stares forward, saying nothing.
A long, long pause.
‘Were your house keys not on that fob, David?’
Fade to black.
Everton won as well. Their first home win in the league this season. However, despite the performance and result, the whole match was soured by the Park End’s downright refusal to join in with the song I belted out when a late substitution was made.
As the goals fly
On a cold and grey Douala morn
An Everton number 5 is born
You can work out the rest. You let yourselves down there though.
Despite that disappointment, on the pitch the Toffees proved the old adage that if you get most of your best players back in the side and you are up against a team that is so ordinary that Kieran Richardson and substitute Joe Cole actually add a bit of Hollywood to proceedings then you stand a decent chance of winning.
Granted, it’s not one of the better known adages, that one
The ‘dead boss’ Seamus Coleman, James McCarthy and Ross Barkley all came back into the side and all impressed immediately. With John Stones out for ages – you could cry, couldn’t you? – Antolin Alcaraz was sent a telegram instructing him to borrow a pair of football boots and catch the next available tramp steamer to Goodison in time for the game. Sylvain Distin was once again left out of the squad completely which makes you think he has pretty much pissed on his chips as far as Everton are concerned. That seems a bit of a shame for someone who has generally been the proverbial ‘good servant’ – you’d think he will be told to sling his hook come January now.
With his days to himself, imagine how much goosing he must be doing at the moment.
Barkley looked desperate to make up for lost time and forced a good save from Brad Guzan just before the Blues opened the scoring on 18 minutes. Leighton Baines ended up with the ball on the right following a short corner – he kidded the plums of the Aston Villa fullback and crossed superbly with his right foot. Romelu Lukaku missed the ball at the near post but Phil Jagielka nodded home from close range.
Some of the Blues’ passing, especially during the second portion of the first half, was exceptional. We know how they play when they are on form and that high-speed geometry is almost life-affirming at times. The scene-setting of the quick-passing in tight areas, building up to the punchline of the fullback romping into space, just never gets old.
Straight after the break, McCarthy stole the ball in midfield and fed Barkley out on the left. The young midfielder’s quick pass bobbled through to Lukaku who struggled to get it out of his feet but still showed enough strength to get a shot on goal. Guzan got his arm onto the ball but only succeeded in forcing it over the line. The tit.
The final goal, on 76 minutes, was the result of some red hot fullback on fullback action, pretty much the trademark of Martinez’s Everton. Quick thinking by Leon Osman, taking a free-kick as the Villans back-tracked, put Baines away down the left. Coleman, running from deep, was already pointing where he wanted the ball and his fellow fullback obliged driving his cross low to the edge of the six-yard box where the Irishman got in front of the defender and scored with a deft touch.
Aceness. A much-needed win that sets us up rather nicely for the trip to Lille that you may have heard mentioned.
‘Next week, on What Davie Did Next’.
The titles roll along the bottom of the screen while a brief teaser shows a touchline square-up at a charity match and a scene of bleeped frustration as the former Preston boss grapples with the Sky tactics board.