Chamois Chamois Ya!

Sorry, it’s been a while again, but we’ve been working on our sitcom pilot about a colourful bunch of characters working at a car cleaning business.

We’ve had some really positive meetings with a few industry people, so who knows, just keep your eyes peeled for Who Washes the Wash-Men?* in the autumn schedules.

Everton though, well, they’re right little sausages aren’t they?

There’s a derby game and a Wembley semi-final in the pipeline, and we’ve got that billionaire owner we’ve been crying out for for ages, so in theory Goodison should be positively vibrant with expectation.

Emotionally tumescent.

Spiritually moist, even.

Instead though, successive grisly performances against not-particularly-memorable Arsenal and Manchester United teams have pretty much drained all the fun from the gaff. In fact, if this season was a face then at the moment it would be, to quote Engels, ‘the colour of boiled shite’.

There’s definitely been a seismic shift in public opinion in the last month or so, because of the state of the performances. The Blues no longer feel so much like a bunch of wild and crazy yahoos, playing to their own tune with their brand of reckless, infectious bad boy shark-in-formaldehyde football.

At the moment they just look a bit shit.

Nothing to do with philosophies, projects or visions. Just  cack.

Everyone smells blood now – with even The Echo choosing to mischievously misconstrue Leighton Baines’ comments about a lack of chemistry in order to suggest dressing room rifts as opposed to what the quote he appeared to mean in context: a lack of cohesion and fluency on the pitch.

Unfortunately for Robert Martinez, when it’s your turn for the media manager-under-fire spotlight, the things that come across as almost endearing when you are playing well, such as sweating like Dustin Hoffman in Marathon Man and chatting absolute bubbles, suddenly don’t help your cause one bit.

However, all that said, things move increasingly quickly in football, and he’s been in these spots before, as indeed his predecessor was on several occasions. Win a couple of games though and the whole landscape changes – today’s tweets are tomorrow’s digital chip papers, or something.

The FA Cup is certainly no write off, and hopefully whoever is making the decisions at Everton at the moment will disregard any progress, or indeed lack of, when deciding Martinez’s long term future at the club.

If they believe in him then he stays, regardless of the result of one-off matches. On the other hand, if they’re not convinced they trust his plans for the squad, during what promises to be a pivotal summer, and beyond that, in terms of his overall management style and relationship with his players, then he should get the bullet even if Everton do win their first trophy in two decades.

It’s too important a decision to be decided on penalties.

Martinez certain can’t complain if he is let go. The home form alone this season has been unacceptable. Even when Everton are poor, Goodison Park is meant to be a tough place for anyone to visit, and it just hasn’t been, and that’s been the biggest disappointment. However, you could also make a case that it’s been enjoyable watching us go away and, in the main, take the games to the home side, often dominating the possession like a big grown up continental team. When we do get it right it can be absolutely exhilarating – if you care to remember, like.

In essence, you can make convincing arguments either way about what the right course of action is with regards to the future of our little Sesame Street-faced Spaniard. And as we’ve said in various organs, on countless occasions, the key decision is never the sacking, it’s the subsequent appointment.

* Or possibly Death and Waxes**

** Definitely not Valet of the Dolls

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