It was probably Ben Goldacre who said that the Daily Express is committed to dividing everything in the world into two groups: things that cause cancer and those that reduce your chances of developing cancer.
Evertonians are similar with current affairs. Every news story is seen through the prism of how it could impact the new ground. From COVID to council corruption, every event is assessed on how its butterfly wings might set in motion a chain reaction that will ultimately impede or facilitate the passage of the Blues’ move to Bramley Moore Dock, set to become the most rhyming-slang-sounding football stadium in the country.
‘Yeah, doctor. It’s embarrassing really. I slipped getting out of the shower and somehow – honestly, you couldn’t do it if you tried – I got the head of this Sadio Mane figurine jammed right down the end of me Bramley Moore.’
What an absolute failure of modern government though in this case of what appears to be grievous corruption in Liverpool City Council, that the moral authority is being provided by Robert Jenrick.
No wonder people just give up.
There’s no football this week apart from the tedious international qualifiers so why not watch a lovely film instead.
This one’s on the iPlayer, and called Land of Mine.
It’s Danish so you will need to ‘read the words’, but it’s worth it, honestly.
Set in 1945, the incredible Roland Moller plays the brutal Sergeant Rasmussen, a Dane overseeing a bunch of teenage German prisoners-of-war tasked with clearing landmines on his homeland’s beaches. Not the obvious choice for a comedy musical then.
It’s not, clearly.
We are told nothing at all about Rasmussen’s past, but we infer everything from his treatment of his traumatised charges and from what Moller conveys when he stares out at the bleak horizon.
A highbrow review would absolutely avoid saying that like many of the protagonists you will be in bits at the end.
This is not that review.
Swear down though, lad. You won’t see a better film than this.