Southampton and Disco Dancing and That

leslie phillips

First thing’s first, if you like a bit of young person’s music and staying up until all hours then you could do a lot worse than go to a night organised by some Blues this weekend.


You can get tickets from here.

If Everton win at lunchtime at Southampton make sure you go up and ask the DJ for Z Cars, they love that.

As discussed earlier in the week, winning down on the South Coast is pretty much a must if the Mighty Blues are to keep up any semblance of pressure on Arsenal, who must surely beast Newcastle United out of sight at the Emirates. Does Alan Pardew even turn up for their games now?

It’s a tough assignment for the Toffees this one though, as Southampton under Mario Pocchetino have proved to be a really decent side. Unfortunately for them though they are in that somewhat unsatisfactory stage where they aren’t quite strong enough to win anything, but they have been impressive enough for richer clubs to start looking enviously at their players and possibly even the manager.

The one everyone talks about is Luke Shaw, apparently heading to all sorts of destinations for massive money. He is undoubtedly mature beyond his years like, but just because he grew a muzzy at 14 and looks like a Howard Wilkinson wet dream at 18 does that necessarily mean his advancement will continue at the same rate?

One word: Micah Richards.

Adam Lallana is another good player, and almost certain to go to the World Cup with England. In the words of Roger Daltrey, he sure plays a mean through-ball, but probably lacks the pace to ever be an absolute superstar. He would be wonderful for Everton, as a long-term successor to Leon Osman, but in all truth a slightly unsatisfactory career at White Hart Lane in the ‘Lewis Holtby role’ is probably more likely.

Pocchetino deservedly gets a lot of praise and you wouldn’t be at all surprised if his ‘people’ were advising him to make the most of being ‘hot’ at the moment. Again, you wouldn’t rule out Tottenham after they are knocked back by whoever goes to Manchester United and maybe Arsenal.

One of modern football’s best throwaway ‘facts’ is that the Argentine speaks perfect English but chooses to pretend not to, to avoid unwelcome questions. Except he would still have to answer them, just through an interpreter. Which is more awkward and takes longer.

Still, whenever he is confronted by the Sky cameras, in front of a grey board plastered in irrelevant advertising, you do half expect him to turn and break the fourth wall, whispering sotto voce in a cut glass Leslie Phillips accent: ‘This is a load of old pony isn’t it, viewers?’ Before turning back and mumbling some more anodyne Spanish.

There will obviously be a minute’s silence for Jay Rodriguez’s England career before the game, and Ricky Lambert, once described as the most unlikely looking Scouser ever, will have to lead the line alone. He actually looks more like that fella who will dig the footings for your extension for a score, or who you see walking really purposefully along the central reservation of the motorway in just a pair of tracky bottoms, miles away from anywhere on a freakishly hot summer day.

What else? Gerard Deulofeu might stay for another season. Is that a good thing? Probably. He is really exciting at times, and massively punchable at others. You’d certainly rather see him as part of the attacking three before Danny Welbeck, who we have been linked with. Can you see there being suitors queuing around the block for a player like him who has struggled to stand out in that United team?

Speaking of which, a headline in the Daily Star proclaimed ‘Moyes: United stitched me up’. Stitched him up to the tune of about £10 million!

And that’s it. Watch Everton, rave safe.

See you on the other side.

3 thoughts on “Southampton and Disco Dancing and That

  1. Another highly readable piece, Mark, cheers.

    Phil, the Micah Richard things was clearly a joke on the phrase “one word” by actually using two words – you know, for a laugh – while also making a pertinent point about Richards’ career. Worked well, I thought.

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