Farewell Transmission

Remember when you ended up goosing sailors for crack money?

Sam Allardyce is like that.

No one wants that to be their life, but that’s where you end up at the end of a long list of poor choices.

With the end of the season mercifully in sight, it would be an understatement to say that some important decisions need to be made this summer. There have been some absolute shockers in this past year or so – it’s now time for Farhad Moshiri, or whoever advises him, to get one right and show that there is a vision for the future of the club beyond ‘fucking wing it until we get that new ground’.

The first one, clearly,  is the new manager, because keeping Allardyce is not an option.

To be fair to him, the majority of the damage was done to the squad well before he arrived, but still, what would it achieve keeping him around for another year, with his face like a hen do waiting for fry-ups in Wetherspoons on a Sunday morning when they’ve all fallen out and they can’t remember why?

You were too busy talking to them lads all night anyway, you snooty cow.

The job was a cinch for Allardyce as well. Our wage bill, experience and the general lack of quality that makes up the vast rump of Premier League meant that keeping the Blues up was relatively straightforward.

It just fucking was.

With safety guaranteed ages ago he just needed to show a bit more ambition in games and also, more than anything, to manage his PR better. For someone so experienced at the politics of the game – and give him his due, he manages the ‘Big Sam’ industry magnificently – his handling of his relationship with the supporters has seemed nothing short of naive.

The fans want to take some inspiration from their leader, and so they look to him expectantly, but Allardyce just sits there at press conferences with a kipper on him like someone off Gogglebox watching the latest episode of ‘ISIS Lotto Winners’ or ‘Gypsies On Your Lawn’ and acts hard done to and, quite frankly, like a massive arrogant twat at times.

And it didn’t have to be that way. After the moody disaster that was Koeman, whose vision appeared to start and end with building a team that could lump the ball to Olivier Giroud, expectations were relatively low, but Allardyce seems determined to lower them further.

Just a little bit of humility would have gone a long way too, but he seems incapable.

Because ultimately he doesn’t really need this job and he doesn’t understand the club.

He’s just not Everton.

Lord knows who the replacement’s going to be. Surely it has to be a young fella though – one whose reputation depends on him making a go of it at Goodison. Not another half-hearted ‘pragmatist’ – read ‘arl arse’ – who is looking for his pay off from the moment the ink is dry on his massive contract.

No one comes with any guarantees of success, but after a couple of years of treading water you just want to see a plan, a style of play, fuck it, a ‘philosophy’ of some description. Look at the type of football the best teams are playing now – ludicrous high energy, aggressive and looking to absolutely smash the granny out of the opposition.

We all know who we are talking about here.

That lot (and Spurs) made a great appointment in a manager with a clear vision of what he wanted and who in turn has tapped into the club and its support to revolutionise them, much as it pains us to say it.

Meanwhile cunts on the telly are saying we should be happy with Sam Allardyce.

Get to fuck.

If you want cheering up even further, you should probably avoid what is a quite incredible book, The Lost Soul of Eamonn Magee by Paul D Gibson.

It’s definitely not your average sport biography.

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6 thoughts on “Farewell Transmission

  1. In a nutshell Mark. But it does scare the bejaysus out of me to think how horribly wrong the board could get Alladyce’s replacement and where we might end up next May.

  2. …you just want to see a plan, a style of play, fuck it, a ‘philosophy’ of some description. Look at the type of football the best teams are playing now – ludicrous high energy, aggressive and looking to absolutely smash the granny out of the opposition…

    We had that a couple of years ago and we pissed the bed at the first sign of difficulty.

    The biggest hurdle here is the impatience of the fans.

  3. “ludicrous high energy, aggressive and looking to absolutely smash the granny out of the opposition…
    We had that a couple of years ago and we pissed the bed at the first sign of difficulty.”

    When? Under Koeman? Martinez? I can think only of the Man City 4-0 game last year under Koeman that fills that brief. The last two years under Martinez was as dismal in terms of football and atmosphere as I can remember and Koeman didn’t do much better.

  4. Wtf ….. are you on about, a plan? There isn’t a plan, never was, not with this fat clown…. just give him his £6m for next season…..use the Rooney money…,and let’s start again…..with a PLAN, new CEO, Brands as DoF and whoever he’s picked as coach/manager, let’s start again…..pick a few CLASS players, 3-4 buy them and then get rid of 4-5 useless bastards we’ve plenty of them! Coach them with playing to win in mind, fast attractive football, eventually they will catch on and become a team again, Everton….it’s easy, just remember the name, Everton!!!

  5. The closest we’ve been to the right appointment was Martinez. The next man (and we clearly needed a next man) needed to build on that – not perform a U-Turn.

    We seem set on looking for the silver bullet. Attacking doesn’t work – go all out defence. Foreign didn’t work – go for the most British management stereotype there is. Lofty ambition didn’t work – aim low.

    It doesn’t work that way. It fucking amazes me that billionaires don’t get it.

  6. I’d like to think that Everton don’t sack a manager, then the powers that be hurriedly arrange a teleconference meeting to discuss ‘What now?’, with Moshiri desperately trying to keep his dog quiet while he asks for a volunteer to take the minutes. I’d like to think that the changes we’ve seen this week have long been in the making, and that the club does actively engage in succession planning for all senior positions at the club. I hope the new manager is already secured and it’s just a case of waiting for the right time to announce him. I also hope the new man has been selected because he’s a fit for the blueprint of the plan from next season to Bradley Moore (at least). It’s the hope that kills you

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