12 August 2021 (techno)

Letting the people who have paid into the ground has been a reasonably straightforward process for the past two centuries.

In the digital (or are we post-digital now?) age though, when man can send porn to Mars, or whatever, the Peoples Club are apparently having a few issues with their new leccy season tickets. No, they didn’t send them with red covers on the emails – great days! – but they were a bit later than expected and apparently there was some nonsense with Android phones.

You have to wonder who they have in charge of the technology there at the moment.

Anyway, hopefully, the predictions of widespread insurrection on Saturday – with turnstiles belching smoke and giving ’20 seconds to comply’ – are wide of the mark. The most sensible advice issued so far is stay in the alehouse until at least quarter past three and swerve the worst of the crowds.

Denzel Dumfries has apparently chosen Inter Milan, flush with Lukaku lucre, rather than wait for Everton to finish cobbling together their latest Ponzi-scheme proposal for acquiring players we don’t have the cash for. How we are then meant to be in the running for half the names we’re linked with is a mystery, especially as there aren’t going to be clubs queueing down the street – unless they’ve got a Samsung, right kids! – to take our overpaid, arse-scratching indolents off our hands. You’d be picking through the scraps at the likes Paris Saint-Germain and the rest of the many big clubs-in-crisis before you came in hot and heavy for Fabien Delph or Andre Gomes. Actually, just pick any names apart from the five decent ones.

Oh, going back stuff going on outside the ground on Saturday, what about them Royal Blue Cardinals? Some bottle them lads, you have to give them that.