Letting the people who have paid into the ground has been a reasonably straightforward process for the past two centuries.

‘Penalty, Toby! Remember how I showed you. Pull your stockings up like a kiss-a-gram, run up like Ian Curtis and…Jesus Christ!’

‘Head over the ball, Toby. And strike through the target! 14-nil! Sometimes I really do suspect you don’t have the necessary grit. Now go and fetch the ball, second half starts in five minutes.’

I keep hearing people saying the weather is biblical. There’s one flood in that bible, across both books, the rest of the time the sun’s cracking the fucking flags.